Ever Wondered What Anaesthetists Really Do?

This is the absolute answer: (Winson, you will like this)

Everybody wonders what anaesthetists do
While the patient is asleep
Everybody wonders what we do for three hours
While the machine goes beep
Everybody reckons we drink coffee and we gossip and we're generally subversive
Everybody reckons we do crosswords and Sudoku and we chat up all the nurses

But do you really think that's all we do
Well let me tell you now isn't true...

'Cause we sometimes check the screen
And every now and then we write stuff
And if we have to intervene
We inject a bit of white stuff [propofol]
And we offer to alter the lights
Or the height of the bed
Or fiddle with the radio, change the CD
We even check the patient occasionally...
And if they move, we turn up the vapor,
And then we go back to reading the paper

'Cause when the patient's asleep
We just sit and listen to the beep
We just sit and listen to the...

Once upon a time I took pride in my job
But now I think it's time to depart
'Cause I just sit here everyday
And listen to bleeps of the heart

Having spent some time in surgery theatres with anaesthetists for the past few weeks, I can personally confirm that the description is accurate. :P

More medicine craziness to follow - "The Drug Song":



And finally, we have the ultimate "wonder drug" - Paracetamoxyfrusebendroneomycin!

Paracetomoxyfrusebendroneomycin,
It’s our brand new wonder drug we think you’ll find enticing,
Paracetamoxyfrusebendroneomycin!

Um-diddle-iddle-iddle-um-diddle-ay
Um-diddle-iddle-iddle-um-diddle-ay
Um-diddle-iddle-iddle-um-diddle-ay

The BNF has twenty thousand different drugs to take,
So we thought, “What could we produce to give you all a break?”
A drug that could treat anything from leprosy to SARS,
And you can give it in the mouth, IV or up the arse.

It’s Paracetomoxyfrusebendroneomycin,
Paracetomoxyfrusebendroneomycin,
It can cure the common cold and being struck by lightning.
Paracetomoxyfrusebendroneomycin!

Um-diddle-iddle-iddle-um-diddle-ay
Um-diddle-iddle-iddle-um-diddle-ay
Um-diddle-iddle-iddle-um-diddle-ay

We tested it on animals and none of them survived,
But that’s OK cos when we wrote the paper up we lied.
It first choice for MI, MS and even for ME and COPD, HIV, PE and DVT

Paracetomoxyfrusebendroneomycin,
Paracetomoxyfrusebendroneomycin,
It reverses impotence and makes you good at fighting,
Paracetomoxyfrusebendroneomycin!

Um-diddle-iddle-iddle-um-diddle-ay
Um-diddle-iddle-iddle-um-diddle-ay
Um-diddle-iddle-iddle-um-diddle-ay

There are some minor side effects and some are not that rare,
Like nausea, vomiting and losing all your hair,
And heart attacks, becoming gay and growing extra breasts,
But it’s fucking cheap, and hey, this is the NHS.

Paracetomoxyfrusebendroneomycin,
Paracetomoxyfrusebendroneomycin,
There are cures for everything from AIDS to pubic lice in
Paracetomoxyfrusebendroneomycin!

Um-diddle-iddle-iddle-um-diddle-ay
Um-diddle-iddle-iddle-um-diddle-ay

Paracetomoxyfrusebendroneomycin,
We make it from the cerebellar cortex of a bison.
After that it undergoes some polygenic splicing,
Paracetomoxyfrusebendroneomycin!

Um-diddle-iddle-iddle-um-diddle-ay
Um-diddle-iddle-iddle-um-diddle-ay

Paracetomoxyfrusebendroneomycin,
It makes you smart as Einstein and as muscular as Tyson.
It brings an end to all that pharmacology revising,
Paracetomoxyfrusebendroneomycin!

Um-diddle-iddle-iddle-um-diddle-ay
Um-diddle-iddle-iddle-um-diddle-ay

Paracetomoxyfrusebendroneomycin,
We sell lots in Japan cos it’s the antidote to ricin.
The minister of health we hear will shortly be advising
Take Paracetomoxyfrusebendroneomycin!