Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Thank you Xaph and Woody!

Thank you xaph and woody for dropping by!! I thought that my blog wouldn't hold the feeblest interest for anyone.. I appreciate it. (",)

I will continue on the death issue when I have time later, Woody. Your visit on my blog was such an impetus to my momentum of writing blogs, as I only started itout of pure interest and kiasuism. A 54-year-old reader makes me feel like someone "important". :-P But at the same time, I feel a great sense of responsibility too.

To xaph anyway, it wasn't really to boast off the "moment of glory". In primary school years, I used to be be a haughty little kid. As someone who had won numerous prizes while beating seniors in the process, subliminally I developed a condescending attitude towards others. I thought that people around me were stupid or this sort, you see, I was dealing with the hardest problems in mathematics competition while some of them are grappling with the "easy" school routine practice. With too much of self-esteem at such an impressionable age, it was me who bred the inflated self-image. I became arrogant.

As I entered secondary school, things have changed and challenged me out of my home-grown rose bed. So many things are now out of my grasps, and I find myself more and more shackled by the environment and the people around me. Yes, I still score in the exam (the yardstick of "achievement" in schooling years), but I paled as I enter my secondary school which was one of the "elite" school in the area. I was outperformed by many. Eventually I got dropped out of top ten in the first final exam, and I started to think, "Am I not as smart as I thought?"

Form 2 (second year in secondary school) was not much better. I was appointed the team leader in an intersquad first-aid competition. With the ballooned self-esteem, I thought, yeah, this is the time to rock and roll~~ I trained as if I was the best leader in the world, basking in my own preposterous glory. Nahh.. the truth showed its colour. The truth barked at me in my ears - "You are a bad leader!!" My team members were reluctant to go for training, and the whole team became virtually disintegrated. At the end, I ended up admiring the girl champion leader.. :-P She was both charming and tough, man.. haha..

I should say that Form 2 was a bit of a watershed of my outlook on life. I learnt to accept that I cannot be, and I am never the best in anything. Even the world's fastest runner need to improve his record, let alone a weeny guy?

Getting in the Malaysia team was a reinforcement of my new faith of life. I went to the United States and it was really the best experience I had in my lifetime. Not for the first airplane trip nor the land of liberty, but the newly gained vista I had on intelligence and humility. I got one of the lowest marks in the whole competition, as expected, but that wasn't a bad reward for the whole trip. It was an eye-opener at the very least. You see, even those maniacs who got perfect score have to be on the same standing with 3 other guys, so how can I be arrogant with my little accomplishment?

At the end of the day, my notes of growing up told me that it's not the shouting guy who was heard. Mount Everest doesn't need a loudspeaker to announce its height, but people just know it. That's why I learnt not to be snobbish and brag about.


Anonymous said...

Chang Yang, it's great that you have changed, from arrogant to humble, from unapproachable to friendly and easy-going and so forth. I believe the 5 years in high school did contribute much to your changes, and I'm glad to see a changed Chang Yang appear in my life, and become my good friend.
Well, everyone has his/her own past. So, it doesn't matter who you were, but it does matter who you are now. Grab each and every of the opportunity to make yourself a better person, and I believe you'll do that, as I can see you always try to push yourself towards betterment. =)
Ah, what am I typing? I'm lost in my own words and thoughts...Anyway, keep updating your blog!!! I enjoy reading every post. :-p

Woody said...

I just stopped by to say hi and found your account of finding your place in your educational system interesing. Keep writing - I find your accounts interesting. - woody

youngyew said...

anonymous: Eerm, actually looking back at some of my posts in ReCom and in this blog, I feel that there is still some "high nose" in me... Sigh. Trying very hard to change though...

woody: I have been writing quite a lot about education in Melbourne University in my recent posts.. Hope you find that interesting, if you ever stumble upon them.